Yes I know/Get in my head./Distasteful

I know I'm posting a lot. I have too much on my mind to not post.

I'm glad I have music from my past.
It's weird to say *as I spill my heart into this journal that the world can see* that um...
at some point in my life, I was so depressive that I can't remember a good portion of my past.
There is a big hole in the memory of my past, but recently stumbling upon a CD I used to listen to when I think I was 8, brought back so many memories. It's strange.
I know that sounds, and smells, and colors are the objects that hold memories, and refresh them best, but... I don't know.
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As I sit, I wonder too much. (obviously)
About the whole anxiety thing.
What will happen in the near future or far future
Will I exist in either?
How long will I exist in either?
How do I effect the world?
Am I just another leaf floating to the ground from the tree of life? (lol..)
Why am I alone?
Am I truly alone?
Why do people get to the way they do.
Is it possible to love something that does not exist?
Dare I ever show this to someone close?
How many people will look at this and just toss it to the said with no other thought then "fucking emo kid"
But Am I emo? answer: everyones emo, theyd be a rock if they werent.
Am I neglected?
Am I neglectful?
What Am I truely? Male or Female? or genderqueer?,
Who am I?

Should I just stop typing this and get outside and enjoy the world? answer: duh :B..

What would the effect of that be? answer: None, just another fealther falling form the sky unnoticed as people continue with their daily commute.

Is it possible to live in another world? answer: yeah, but either a: your a mental, or b: its the far future and earthlings left earth, feeling a lost emptiness , as if leaving your mother.
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So, Now I'm wondering
"Why the hell am I trying to create a fan-base as an emo kid, skinny jeans, girls tight jacket with hoodie, the works, why? it's not me, its obviously not me, though i let my personality shine through."

But why does anyone want to be popular?
Sure people enjoy when they get compliments.
Not me, sure they are nice everyonce a while, when well earned, but when you go out and dig for them, fish for them, with a fucking butterfly net, what's the point?

All value is lost.

Just like in life.
Put it this way. If you cheat in a video game, all enjoyment value is lost, because you get everything you want, game over.
What about life?
What if your trillion dollar rich father (bahah extreme [misspelled rich as rice {the fuck?}])
paid for everything you could ever want and/or need.
What value is there left in life? you are left disabled, unable, to truely do anything yourself. Because you arn't your father, whom toiled for his daily earning just to pay for the electricity to be turned back on.
--And this leads me to why, Rich kids can be emo kids too. There is nothing left for them, personal value that is. -- continueing..
you lay lisurely on you're fitted ass (you got a gym in your house you know if your rich)
getting your bidding done by maids and servents who live a more fruitful life then yourself.

whom is this "you" I speak of?
anyone who does not know the value of hardwork, the value of a dollar, or just the value of accomplishment.

I'm a proud individual, who can say,
No, I did not join this because it'll make my resume look better for myself. But if I did join it, it's because I purely, and wholy wanted to do it for myself, or better of the whole.
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★☆:.:☆★

These are just the thoughts, of what I assume to be a typical teenager.
though I feel I have lived others lives, I'm sure it's the common "I know everything" teen ager syndome.
(here have some stars!)
★☆:.:☆★