so...with that whole leelah alcorn deal, its reminded me of my own dysphoria...and reminds me of how my boyfriend doesnt accept it, and when I brought it up with him, though I'm fine in my body, feeling as the other gender, he said
"oh god not you too"
though hes known about it well before it became a movement. HELL he started dating me at my peak of crossdressing and dysphoria.... so... wth?
he even helped me cross dress most of the time....
its been pissing me off...ive been briefly bringing it up with most everyone...and I kinda would like to ask people to use the pronouns I would like to be called by...
ill probably never transition. I realized I only want to be the other gender to look hot as hell, and that I wouldnt want to die as the gender I was born....not to mention the cost ;p...
I want to join/talk to a community of transgendered/gender fluid people...though every time I join a forum of some extreme interest, I get chased out....general society...my love for parrots...and even at a comic con where I was SURE id fit right in...
god, id love to slice my skin right now, but I dont want to be caught...
oh...speaking if feeling confused/trapped in this body...ive started to realize the full extend of my bone curvatures. I feel ever more trapped...my rips are starting to press against my lungs....im scared itll press it too hard eventually...and maybe even puncture it....
tonight, ill probably hurt myself somehow...
maybe ill write a will..you kniw...just. in. case
*I know my life has drastically improved and am now a whiny little bitch, however, I built this life for myself, nearly by myself and am truely grateful for all ive been able to accomplish...though, I still have these feelings, why....*
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