Sooo... Therapists...

So I visited my first therapist this year....

Shes a strange older lady, and she looks completely uninterested in anything i had to say. Probably heard it all before (?) I don't know, but I don't like it, paying 35 dollars to do what I can do with friends for free? I should try getting a job like hers... just listen to people complain all day.. OH WAIT CALL CENTERS JOB harharharharharharhar....

I think I'll give her one more try, shes easy for me to talk to but shes so unresponsive... and I don't think she understands my generation (I say that because shes 68 years old) I don't know though I know the next thing im going to talk to her about, it'll be a deciding factor.

So on Feb 1st of 2010 I gave my "V-card" to someone I love, just I had hoped to.
With that being said, for roughly 3 months, practically everyday, amazing sex, nearly every freaking day

Then I moved out with my loved one and BAM!!!
Once every 2 weeks, what the fuck! I'm a very sexual individual after figuring out the majestic-ness of fucking. :l
so that lasted for about 4 months,now it's roughly once a month...

It freaks me out honestly, I'm scared, it makes me self concious
Is it me? Or is it them?
Is it not pleasurable for them? but they finish in 4 minutes flat everytime
then i'll be like
"I wanna cum"
"Mkay"
"....you gunna help?"
"You can do it cant you?"

when that happens its like Why bother? it only lasts for 4 minutes, they get to finish, and I get to lay there in pain because of no freaking foreplay to get stimulated for such a event.

Back to what i was saying about being scared
What am I scared about?
I'm scared that:
-They are seeing someone else
-they arn't interested in me physically anymore
-I'm too "boring"
-That it's a "Chore" even if I dont finish or even ask to finish

It's just... I don't know Ive tried to talk to them about how I felt about it and the reaction i get is "Is our relationship built on sex?"

Of course it isn't, I just happen to find it really freaking important since you're my first!

When we do do anything, it makes me feel like I'm being used because I don't get stimulated, they ask me to do alot to them, and I ask for little in return but get nothing. Get fucked painfully do to no stimulation. Then ignored afterward...

I love em to death, and they love me too...But our sex life is just dead.. Im only fucking 19 for god sakes, they are only 18!! so what the hell?

they didn't have the curtousy of telling me that our sex was BORING. I asked and asked and asked about what was wrong, and they just told me "you know I have a low sex drive"

No, that is Bull-SHIT, We fucked like rabits day after day for a good handful of months. Was it just because it was new? I was fresh? and now I'm useless because you know me inside and out?

Why is it I'm still interested in you then??

ugh...I thought.. That after I had moved out, got my own place, someone to love, a home to call my own with a real bed, and a closet that has real hangers to put my cloths on, and not in a suite case...
My own fridge with my own favorite foods, money to get things I want...

I thought I wasn't going to feel this way anymore.

It's not as bad as it used to be, where I didn't even know where I was. Or choking on anxiety even with medicine. But I thought.. Atleast I wouldnt have this tight feeling of sadness and loneliness.