Today...I saw the face of mortality...

Well technically yesterday now that being its 3am (6/8/12)

Well... yesterday (6/7/12) my brother was in a car accident..

When I had arrived on the scene I had immediately recognized tires covers beyond a very slightly damaged truck facing the wrong way in the wrong lane.

...no it may have not been my own mortality that I have seen today, but even so I honestly, full heartedly believe that seeing my own brothers mortality significantly more terrifying then my own..

The car is now totaled.

To be honest the part I'm most disturbed about in the "should have, could have but didnt" catagory was that as everyday before that.

My brother had asked me to come over and play some video games with him, before he goes to work.

Now I know it's silly to think down to it like this , but..
If I had gone, and done the regular routine instead of sleeping,
could I have spared this terrific event by making him wait by those few extra seconds making him miss the speeding rich enlarged titted whore? Possibly...

Could I have not gone, and me never see my brother again saying it had been what I had feared?

It would be too much for even a person as myself who's pushed on for so long this way.., to lose the only person I truely consider my only family...

If I had to chose over the many lives of my relatives  or my brothers alone, in a heart beat they would all be dead.
And I don't say that just because I can. *well its a small part of it* but I'd be doing a civil justice to the world if I had ridden my own relatives and their discusting personalities and beings.
Choosing my kind hearted, gentle brother instead.

Anyways... what I'm most discusted about is how the speeding fellow who hit my brother came over and had the nerve to think my brother was so disturbed and upset was because his car was now gone. "Dont worry buddy, cars can be fixed"  how i would have loved to kick his overies back into his chest cavity. Thats where they belong right?  -_-

Not only that but his obviously paid for this girlfriend with water balloon tits all up in the cops faces, walking *if you can call it that* like frankenstein thanks to her easly 5" heel hooker shoes, was all giggly laughing and smiling, while my bro was breaking down in tears telling me how he thought he was going to die when he saw his wind shield crack in and the hood crunch in ward.

The last part im pretty damn pissed about is that MY BROTHER RECEIVE A TICKET FOR THIS, sure thatd make sense being how the crashed looked, however on the ticket it claimed he was going 15 miles an hour, while the truck was going to 35 miles an hour.

Now I'm no physics chemist, or anything along that line, but i'm pretty damn certian you can't make a car like my brothers spin a full 180 mid intersection by going only 35 in a 50 mile an hour zone.

(By the way, if they were going that speed, on the street they were on, they would have seen each other a mile way, unless the fellow that hit my bro,  was going 60 , in his new truck, with his gold digger girlfriend passenger seat )  *makes more sense right?*

Not to mention I don't believe my brother intended in planting his car into a truck when he made that turn  =_=, I think he intended to make a turn to go home =_=





If he doesn't fight this tooth and nail. Then I will.

P.s. my favorite part: immediately after impact, my brother was the first one out of his vehicle *even though his door could barly open* and went to make sure the THEY were okay. Why the hell didnt they check him?? Didnt they see they just totally smashed in a car, nearly crushing the poor lads legs? They didnt even ask if he was okay. Ooo their tire poped, oo they cant drive now. My bad I didnt realise a tires life was more important then my brothers. Sucks, my bro cant drive now either, why?

Maybe because hes tramatized from the experience

Maybe because his engine is none existant now

Maybe because the battery is smashed to what now looks like a dog chewed lego piece

Possibly because the car hood is bent into a lovely bridge shape covering any visibility the smashed wind shield let through

Oh and he just sold his car today before that happened.

Last week he replaced the driver window and window engine for 400.00

Pure and utter discust in the human race. Especially Americans.
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I had written this whole post on my phone in bed. It took an hour to write.
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6/8/12:

So today I went with my brother over to the doctors office since he was not injured enough to go to the hospital.

When we get there he gets taken in, and it's all the usual.

When he comes out We got the pleasure of knowing that we had just paid the co pay of 25.00 USD (+ what ever our "god" sent health insurance covered)for the doctor to not even bother doing a generic look over:

Eyes, ears, chest, and lungs.

We went there wasting time and money to be told to go to the ER.

So we were like "Forget that"

For you see, the ER's in our area, The quickest one will take you in 7 hours if you're lucky. And a copay of 125.00 USD

We didn't need to spend 125.00 (+ 1k for er services) for a doctor note so he doesn't get fired from work *being that our practitioner did not even dare give us one, no sir, what a bitch. You'll see how many people you'll see if people use the internet to look you up.*

So eventually, about 4 hours later of this nonsensical running of circles, We finally took him to a Urgent care unit, who did as one would expect. And thank god they did I was bout ready to kill someone... well at least kick someone.

the UC cost 50.00 just for them to tell us what we had been saying this whole time. To the exact point.

Take Ibuprofen for swelling and pain. If any pain in the head, dizziness , or fainting spells, go to ER immediately :P.

But at least these guys gave him the full one over unlike our practitioner.

as always try to survive (It's getting pretty hard to bother though I admit.)

not knowing.

I don't know what to do without hurtting my father s:

Heres the low down:

My father is nearly a bum/homeless fellow.

He has a bi polar homeopathic girlfriend  *hippie british bitch*

He's nearly disabled now to do real work.

Every 4-6 months this girlfriend has a explosion of bi polar emotions.

And in this every 4-6 month explotion i expect my father to come knock on my door because im the only one who can put up with him.

This time however has been the worst hes ever been s:
I dont want him on the streets possibly getting murdered
But i dont nessesarily want to check myself into a physc ward  s:i ... il fix this post later

Fuck you fake ass family, just fucking fuck you shitless.

Julio you fucking piece of shit, I wish you did hit me dick hole, I'd sue you for everything you got. I don't care if you helped the country, mister super fucking veteran. That's nice except just because you served does absolutely not mean that you should be serviced foot and wave because of it.
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God damn it all i wanted to do was go get some safe eclipse viewing lens, naw lets just go get some god damn useless fucking cards.... nothings going right today  TT_TT....  v_v
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You know that awesomely wonderful feeling when you do as you are told, but get yelled at anyways as if you might as well of not had bothered? Oh yeah, welcome to my life.

The loneliness...the feeling of failure..

Tired of this...getting nothing done, getting yelled at for nothing..it's never anyone else's fault but my own apparently..

..I guess its still there..

My life... not even lived an ounce, nearly 1/4 over now. All i do and have been doing is
sleep, eat, jack off, eat, jack off, sleep
day in and day out now... i can't even begin to explain on how many jobs I've applied for, or even what the last one i applied for was now that I've re applied for so many places.. not even Mcdonalds who apparently decided they have class now... my dreams are so obscure they don't make any sense or reflect on the day before since there might as well not have been one..

Might as well not even exist at all.
.So helpless.

Feeling that kind of guilt.

So this morning *about 4:30 am* while making money (painting 2 paintings)
I heard these sounds outside as if some drunk college kids were derping around, or even just regular dip shits yelling at each other for what ever monkey crap they had between them for that moment.

The first thing I thought to myself:

"I should go outside and take a look just in case I can help some how...naw I'm too busy working on these.. besides theres tons a yelling around here anyways....but what if it was something where people needed help? I'd regret it if it was"

And of course, the universe being the being it is, had to prove my gut right. (Always follow the gut O:<  )

Not to long after the sounds calmed down about 8-15 minutes later,
5 fire trucks, 3 ambulances, and a good fist full of cop cars all turned on their rave lights to a house thats RIGHT across the street lit like a flippin candle.

The guilt and regret, only noticeable due to sleep deprivation.

But I keep reminding myself: I couldn't and wouldn't done anything simply because the state of the fire may have been small when I would have looked.

Luckily mostly everyone was safe, only one got hurt, only a weedy bit.

Dear grandma;

You became a dribbling drool blob in a matter of weeks. Not from anything natural but only your own mind. I hate the fact i dislike you so much to the point of almost loathing you. You're disgusting. I'm only disappointed in the fact that you followed as if your own daughter and the man that mistreated you so horribly as you age. I cant stand to look at you, though I know that if I don't look now, I'll forget what you look like when you pass. I don't want to say it but I know that it's true, you're most definitely due soon.