Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Last post.

It's been a hell of a ride from... What was it, 2009,2008?

Its 2019 now. Im 27. Where did the time go?...

Its been ln 3 years since the last post, and quite frankly, the best years of my life.

My old job breaking up with me was what I needed the swiftest kick in the balls to move on. It sucked for a while, but I've found somewhere I can rest for a while now.

I've found the love of my life back in 2009, were married now, and have been for a few years.
I've found the path Im to walk.

Imma be a famous artist guys.
Who would've thought!

Its so funny looking back, and I'm so so glad I had written these out. They were incredibly therapudic (spelling still sucks, sorry) at the time, but also a strong reminder of all the hate and agony I put myself through, partly because of others actions, but mainly myself.

I stand tall now.

I started this blog on the brink of suicide, staying only to see how truely bad it could get.
To see how much life could fuck me.
And now I'm ending this blog, to seen how much I can fuck life.

Ill be back again one day, years from now.

See you all on the other side of the stage. At least for now.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Once again.

Ahh...  2016, what a wondrous year already!!  I mean fuck me!  I already lost my fucking job! Learned the hard way I'll never have a racial community to call my own, and idk.  I feel so fucking fisted.
The job thing: everything was fine and dandy.  Hell i even bought a new phone! Then,  void help me,  I CALLED SOMEONE  GAY ON FACEBOOK.
GAY.  forreals this dude was either blind,  or metro as fluff if not gay.

It was a political post. Some dude starts with  "you millinials are soo dumb ",  and he's right,  because stupid me replies "yeah soooo dumb"  (slightly  sarcastic,  but kinda agreeing with him). Also  stupid me had a picture of bernie sanders 2016 as a cover pic.  This  mutherfucker goes straight to "well tell me why you support bernie thsn hmm!?  All you millenials just want free stuff with out the work!"  we (my man and  i)  responded back explaining partly and followed up with my /our achievements most people of my generation couldn't do even with their parents help.  Of course its like talking to a wall with paint drying. This dude is calling me  a mirage of different insults,  the only one i bit back with was "ignorant twat"

Sure,  i should have ignored him,  unfriended him  and moved on,  but im tired of this!  Why can't i even be  "allowed" to bite back!?  So fuck no.  Also fuck you rubben ,  you gay fuck. Just accept it already and find a nice guy.  Seriously dude,  you need to be laid. 

But point being. Word for word my post said (plus some stuff of how i respected his work ethic for his age and that he was so nice) but since I'm burning bridges : you know Donald trump doesn't support gay marriage right? Good luck coming out.

And because of that post,  after being personally atracked on a post much more viciously (including the good ol fashioned "if i ever find where you live ill ruin you" bitch threat.
~  This guy, actually  called my job looking for me. ~
And i quote "if i see that bitch ill curb stomp her"  bitch check your privilege.  Why you go all psycho over nothing? You may every well be gay and  as a good friend,  i informed you of the consequences of voting trump.

I proceeded to file a police report. If he said  that and didn't call my job, i would have ignored it. But because he called my job and proceeded to threaten me, I wasn't going to let it go. 

I called off two days in a row,  and the 2nd day at night i had received a TEXT MESSAGE,  MY JOB BROKE UP WITH ME OVER FUCKING TEXT.  I worked with these guys for  a year and 7 months!!! No notice,  no write ups, I CALLED OUT PROPERLY AND FOUND A COVER FOR BOTH DAYS.  they said it was the 3 syrike rule THATS NOT EVEN  IMPLEMENTED.  and that  i was LATE TOO OFTEN.  sure,  i came in everyday 6 minutes late  (thanks  sevre anxiety!) but the  fucking clow  gag they call Jan came in on average 20 minutes late.  Every.  Day..

God im so fucking pissed this whole  thing is such bullshit, such fucking bull shit!  How did this even happen...  How did i fabricate that  they "were"  my family?  Why did  i think i could trust them  when they talked down to me so much,  even after oroving my worth,  my dedications,  me busting ass, with nearly nothing to show? My 120% dedication to customers?  What  am i fucking worth now?
....

Coincidentally,  my hourly rate just went from 6.50/hr to 60.00/hr minimum including tip. Because fuck you,  and fuck society.  I will  build my fucking  empire,  i will succeed so hard that you ll fall well under my shadows and all youll see is ths glowing halo of my success blinding my face. 

Theres a million typos.  New phone.  Atleast theres promise for the rest of this year.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

:)..... fuck.

Yep, it's that time again. 

Monday, September 28, 2015

So... 2015, has been what you say...xtreme...from the joys (and stress of) a dream being realized, to a death all too sudden...
I want to list this shit, because i swear, the universe is trying to prove a point.

In spirit of a betterself, better way of thinking, lets start with the positives:

- Received 2, count it 2!,  tax returns (one from a previous year) for a total of about 700.00
- Recieved my first raise!! :3
-

However...as it seems to always go on my life, all the good and joy (no matter how hard i work for it) it has to have its yang to my ying. Balance i guess....
( this is all in September alone)

-Josh is in hot water at work...
- Filed my very first police report on a neighbor....filed a SECOND report on some kids breaking into joshs car...
-The usual late to work Ness (I am not me, if not late)
- been leaving work early for weird health problem
- The next day my grandma was in the hospital. Then in a hospice...ill explain more at the bottom

-... Less than 24 hours she passed away...

- Her final wish is for her to be sent back to japan...from hawaii. So we bought tickets and a hotel that we can barely afford.
- My wisdon teeth decided that "hey what's up?... Im what's up." and are growing into my jaw muscle...
- I cant have them removed...i have the most fucked up teeth growth. In example: lady at emergency dental: "I have worked here for 20 years..this is only the second time weve referred people out...."
- Just a consult with a tooth surgeon is 110.00 and a 3d xray is 125.00...
-Joshs tire poped last night :')
- My job might be in hot water, they're looking for someone to fire... Im looking pretty ripe for the picking...
- Oh did I mention??¿  My dad whos on disability is living at my house?? And has been for a month??¿????¿
Ill edit the grandma part later... I need to sleep...
- I fought to clock out at work, im so fucked....

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Lets do this FUCKING SHIT again...

So... 2015, has been what you say...xtreme...from the joys (and stress of) a dream being realized, to a death all too sudden...
I want to list this shit, because i swear, the universe is trying to prove a point.

In spirit if a betterself, better way of thinking, lets start with the positives:

- Received 2, count it 2!,  tax returns (one from a previous year) for a total of about 700.00
- Recieved my first raise!! :3
-

However...as it seems to always go on my life, all the good and joy (no matter how hard i work for it) it has to have its yang to my ying. Balance i guess....
( this is all in September alone)

-Josh is in hot water at work...
- Filed my very first police report on a neighbor....filed a SECOND report on some kids breaking into joshs car...
-The usual late to work Ness (I am not me, if not late)
- been leaving work early for weird health problem
- The next day my grandma was in the hospital. Then in a hospice...ill explain more at the bottom

-... Less than 24 hours she passed away...

- Her final wish is for her to be sent back to japan...from hawaii. So we bought tickets and a hotel that we can barely afford.
- My wisdon teeth decided that "hey what's up?... Im what's up." and are growing into my jaw muscle...
- I cant have them removed...i have the most fucked up teeth growth. In example: lady at emergency dental: "I have worked here for 20 years..this is only the second time weve referred people out...."
- Just a consult with a tooth surgeon is 110.00 and a 3d xray is 125.00...
-Joshs tire poped last night :')
- My job might be in h it water, they're looking for someone to fire... Im looking pretty ripe for the picking...

Ill edit the grandma part later... I need to sleep...

FUCK BLOGGER APP

Seriously??? I made a huge fucking post, left the app for a sec to grab a lil something something for said c post and is gone, and im like ok cool, ill rewrite the fucker, so i rewrote it SAVED IT AS A DRAFT,  and that shit is fine too???!

(oh cool, i cant paste either...)

*slow clap*  - ~-

Friday, April 10, 2015

Bitchin

I think I'm so willing to stand,
since I used to be so ready,
to die by my own hand.

Lil rhymey thing...laying in bed, realized how weak people are, realizing one of my simple dreams coming true: buying a house. And yet, so many people are leaning on me for support.

My mom, my dad, my brother, my best friend, all owe me money over 60.00. The highest being 500.00,atleast. I love them, but damn. Theyre all fuckin adults, and I understand some times are tough, but at this point, its litterally a lack of common sense.

Ive been working a shit server job (this isnt too bad compared to the last restaurant, but its still "serving")
6.50/hr (got a. 50 raise :) )  + tips , usually averaging about 11.00/hr makes it worth my time, even more so since I don't have to wear a uniform.

Hmm.... Soon, everyone will be dropping like flys, from one thing or another....

My dad...well, he was fucked so many times by the system, and did too many drugs..does too many I should say....I'm just glad he's not in the streets...or on my couch...i love him to bits, but I wish hed stop mixing drugs and alcohol...

My mom..she seems best well off, but if she doesn't start taking care of her self, health wise, or stop taking out convenient money, itll be her end,  probably heart attack...

My bro, what kind of relationship is it if you have to make a "goal" for your fiance to meet to get married? Holding a job, or having multiple jobs in a year? Really? She's NOT a future. If she wanted to change, she would have. Simply having a job changes you for the better (usually) socially.

By best friend..well.. I was so ready to forgive you if you just didn't lie to me,  I cant trust you anymore... I knew it wasnt a "stomach " condition,  though I wish it was... I asked you, even straight to your face if you were using, you knew I didn't care,  as long as you could handle you're shit. But you couldn't.  And you did.
Atleast youre trying though. <3 ill be here for you when you're ready to come back.

well i didnt intend on bitchin this long...i have work in the morning
, only working 3 shifts for a while since we "make too much money" for some down payment assistance. I hope it works out...the amount make ia litterally 900.00 too much between 2 people.

Too much for assistance,  too little to actually afford a house, let alone utilities fir said house.